We get some outlandish emails, some even addressed to “dear humans” as if some other creature might be looking at them.

Anyway, here are a few of the gifts and gadgets that some of our emails have been pushing lately. I would think twice before purchasing most of them. Actually I would laugh twice and then not even think at all about purchasing them.

Starting with:

• “ZeroWater, a leader in water filtration, and we have a ready pour 40 cup, glass dispenser that makes a beautiful addition to any holiday dinner party or event year round.” The dispenser is classy and elegant, made of glass and stainless steel, and has a 5-stage filter attached to offer guests “clean, exquisite tasting water.” Stage 1 removes suspended solids such as dust and rust, Stage 2 removes additional suspended solids, stage 3 removes organic contaminants, pesticides, herbicides, mercury, chlorine (and taste?), stage 4 removes inorganic compounds like metals or nonmetals (should about cover it) and stage 5 removes any remaining suspended solids. How could there be any remaining solids at that point? Gracious! If you have that bad of water, you’d better not be serving it at your holiday function to begin with! The manufacturers promise your family and friends will be sure to be impressed. They had better be. This classy gadget costs $74.99. Anybody hear of a pitcher?

• How about a robotic dog for grandma? Golden Pups bark, wag their tails, blink, have a heartbeat and cuddle, which is sure to help grandma lower her blood pressure and ease her loneliness. But she never has to take the dog out, clean up after it, feed it or take it to the vet. Robotic pups “enable seniors to enjoy having a pet without any of the work …” Sounds like a sci fi movie I saw with Arnold Schwarzenegger in it. They’re only $119.99, batteries included (great “pet adoption” rate). They have cats too. Somehow I don’t see a robotic pup or cat doing what the real thing does for humans. Its heart may “beat” but it can’t love.

• This is one of my favorites … Peejamas … Yep, you heard it right. This is an “out-of-the-box solution to make nighttime potty training a done deal.” (Please keep them in the box.) There are different styles to chose from (stripes, arrows and animal party and gray), and they look like other PJ’s, but they include absorbent liners to soak up urine, up to 15 times their weight. (How big is your bed-wetting child?) They eliminate diapers and are eco-friendly, made from organic cotton and bamboo-cotton blend. They also last for 300-plus washes, which by then the child should be potty trained. One can hope! They’re only $39.99. Just what every kid wants for Christmas!

• And for the guy in your life who is concerned about his shiny dome, there’s the “ReGrow Helmet.” This offers cutting edge technology (because you don’t have anything else to cut) that uses a laser hair treatment device to promote hair regrowth. It’s a helmet, folks! If you want 187 low level lasers messing with your head, go for it, but I wouldn’t recommend wearing it anywhere in public unless you were riding your bicycle anyway and people could think you were just being safe. It even has an integrated camera for visual hair tracking and WIFI connectivity for syncing with smart devices. If that isn’t something for a sci fi movie it should be. I couldn’t find the price on this one because I couldn’t connect to their web site. Maybe somebody forgot to wear their helmet today.

• Another gift your child will surely love when he’s not wearing his peejamas is the “Bouncy Bands,” which are teacher approved toys (I’m guessing none of our teachers were asked to vote on this) that “enable kids to release excess energy to stay on task and improve their test scores, while seated at their desks.” The bands attach to a desk or chair so kids can bounce their feet on them while they work on their classwork. Might be better than twiddling their thumbs. Also better than the old days when teachers might thump you on the head with a “bouncy band” to help you “stay on task and improve test scores.”

• One of the least expensive “gadgets” is the Dr. Yum Meal-o-Matic app, available for 99 cents at the App Store or free for Android mobile devices. This helps busy families with meal preparation. It tells you what you can do with the ingredients you have on hand. Choose what kind of meal you’re hungry for, and colorful graphics make it easy to select stir fry, soup, pasta or “yum bowls.” The app creates a customized recipe with your ingredient list and even gives you steps of how to prepare the meal. Wonder what it could do with chocolate milk and spaghetti noodles?