Trout Republic

It looks like we got through another Easter this past weekend which means all the candy is on sale at the Big Box stores. I am not sure how that system works for them but it appears to me they way overbuy on all the sweet confectionary goodies prior to the actual Holiday which also means if you are patient you can score big on big bags.

Way long ago the only candy bars a person could get were the full-size ones but someone had the great idea to package itty-bitty ones in a big bag so that people could feel like they were not overeating. Now, however, folks eat ten of the small ones, making up in volume with quantity. All those small items in a big bag got me to thinking — a dangerous proposition for Ol’ Dutch according to Miss Trixie — about little things in big packages. Now before you make some derisive statement about the size of my brain in a big package, that's not what we are talking about here. We are talking about things of small size that seem to come in massive packaging comparatively.

Just the other night as Ol’ Dutch was standing at the vanity dosing out his daily pill quantities, I noticed just how small the pills were in relation to the size of the container they came in. And there was no rhyme or reason to how they were packaged as it seems the tinier the pill, the larger the bottle was. I have no idea who or how these things are packaged up as I have to order them through a mail order service as getting them local well, just does not make sense.

But regardless of the method the medicine shows up on time and in the right quantity, I think.  Pharmacy error rates can range from .00003% (or 43 in 1,420,091 prescriptions) to 55% (or 55 in 100.) You know I don't mind being in the bottom percentage of mistaken meds but 55 out of 100 would be a little too risky even for my blood.

But come they do and the last order came with really large bottles for little pills. I have to assume that due to the volume of medication this pharmacy puts out that the pill filling probably has been taken over by machines. This means that a whole slew of pharmacists were put out of work due to the modernization of the industry. But don't be concerned as I think I know where those same pharmacists are now working after they left Big Pharma. They went to Amazon.

You may ask just how Ol’ Dutch came to such a mind-blowing conclusion and I am so glad you asked that. It's like this. Miss Trixie has long been an Amazon ordering phenomenon in her own right and has taught Ol’ Dutch the ins and outs of the trade. So almost daily it seems we get some package from the great Santa Claus in the sky and boxes show up with the regularity of a Metamucil-induced colon cleanse.

And one thing you will find that there is no rhyme or reason to the packaging as some tiny little item will arrive in a box big enough to ship a small child in. (Something Ol’ Dutch thought about doing a time or two while raising kids.) Which just goes to prove that ex-clinical workers who were involved in the pharma trade are now running the show at Amazon. The upside is with the arrival of the big boxes every day seems like Christmas and every child in us is happy to get the big present.

So, get out there quick and score some of those small candy bars in a big package before it's too late. And feel good about how few calories you are consuming in each one as you down the tenth candy bar.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com.