When a loved one passes away, you want to remember them at their best. You want others to remember them at their best. You carefully select the words for their obituary to reflect their life’s contributions and all the love and affection you feel for them.

But what if your loved one died of an overdose? What if the thing that took them from this world was a lost battle with substance abuse? What do you say then? Were they at their best at the end? Should you ignore the facts and pretend they passed peacefully?

This is a common struggle for thousands of families across the nation as overdose from drug abuse claims the lives of more than 140 people every day.

Trying to Find Meaning

For many parents who have lost a child to substance abuse, their loss feels senseless. Their child, with so much potential, is gone.

As they write their son or daughter’s obituary, some seize the opportunity to make a difference in other parents’ lives. Rather than attempt to cover up the cause of their child’s death, they admit their loved one was struggling with chemical dependency. In doing so, they hope to make it clear substance abuse doesn’t discriminate.

Parents of Patrick Mullin, all-star lacrosse player and graduate of Nazareth College, wrote this notice of his passing:

Mullin, Patrick Joseph, Irondequoit: Died Tuesday, March 7, 2017, at the age of 32 after a long battle with addiction.

Patrick’s father, Joe, explained, “We’re not going to solve this problem by keeping quiet about it. It was easy to put in the obituary because we wanted others to know that it happens to everybody.” His mother, Mary, added, “It was important to us because we didn’t want to sugarcoat it.”

Sending a Message

Others have published similar obituaries indicating the role of substance abuse in their child’s tragic death. Some choose to use phrasing that leaves the cause of death less clear. The obituary may state their child died “unexpectedly” or “suddenly.” With overdose now a common killer, this lingo is often recognized as code for cause of death.

For some, however, this isn’t enough. They want to send the message loud and clear. Jordan Leavitt’s mother, Robyn, wrote:

Leavitt, Jordan. Webster: Lost his fight with the disease of addiction on Tues., June 13, 2017, at age 32.

This and similar obituaries are written in the hopes of raising substance abuse awareness reducing stigma and saving lives.

Robyn notes, “I need to do this because people need to understand this is a problem; we need to come together and stop some of this. If we can stop one family from having this kind of ending, we’ve won.”

Retrieved from https://drugabuse.com/heartbroken-parents-use-obituaries-to-raise-addiction-awareness/

Addiction is an Emotional Disease with Far-Reaching Effects…

5 Emotions People with Addiction and Loved Ones Share

#1 Shame

Social scientist and author Brené Brown defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” Those are feelings no human being should ever have to experience, but, sadly, they go hand in hand with addiction. Because so many people still think of substance abuse as a moral weakness or character flaw, people struggling with addiction and their loved ones can feel inferior, embarrassed, and afraid to speak out.

#2 Helplessness

Having a loved one who suffers from addiction will make even the most capable person feel helpless. Sure, Al-Anon tells loved ones that they didn’t cause the addiction, they can’t control it, and they can’t cure it, but that doesn’t really make anyone feel less helpless.

#3 Sadness

There’s nothing positive about addiction, so it’s no surprise that everyone affected by it feels its sadness. Loved ones feel sad because they see how addiction derails the hopes and dreams of a person who is incredibly important to them. Just like the person suffering from addiction, they may ask themselves, “Why me?” After all, nobody wants to see a loved one suffer. However, no one wants to be a person who is consumed by addiction either, so sadness is very prevalent in a substance abuser’s life as well.

#4 Fear

Addiction is a dangerous disease. It carries with it a multitude of things for everyone involved to be afraid of, including shattered relationships, financial problems, incarceration, and death. Those things top the list of a loved one’s fears, while the person with addiction’s biggest fears may be more rudimentary - like where their next fix is going to come from.

#5 Guilt

People who are addicted to a substance may not have feelings of guilt while under the influence, but during sober periods, the questionable behaviors they’ve engaged in - lies, manipulation, cheating, stealing - will likely weigh on them. They may also feel guilty for making their family suffer, whether it’s emotionally, physically, or financially.

Retrieved from https://drugabuse.com/addiction-is-an-emotional-disease-with-far-reaching-effects/

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