For those who are single, groups like eharmony.com, Christianmingle.com and Match.com purport to find the perfect mate for them. Forget chemistry and love at first sight. These sites will match personality traits, interests and backgrounds to develop a foolproof formula for romantic success. Chat, email and blog your way to the wedding chapel.
Don’t they know true love is never foolproof, as love makes fools of us all. But what a wonderful foolishness it is!
For those who do not have time to answer quality questions that will pair them with their true loves, there are speed dating web sites and “real life” sites where bachelors and bachelorettes can beat the biological clock and stopwatch at the same time.
It’s like “Dating Game” on speed.
Let’s face it, though. Folks answering questions during a speed-dating round or via electronic matchmaking are going to try to put their best feet or prosthetic limbs forward. They may even wait to share a photo until the proposal’s in the bag just so their face doesn’t distract or dissuade their potential suitors.
Everyone has flaws, and there are probably some obvious reasons why the 55-year-old professional student on Match.com has never been married. Just ask his mother. There’s never been anyone good enough for him.
So how about an upfront dating site that pulls no punches? Or even better, a meet face-to-face site in a location that exists in the real world in real time and real space, where single folks can determine who repulses them the least.
We could call it Dealbreaker.com. Participating singles would lay it all on the line, warts and all, and see if any of their flaws were a complete deal breaker or if other folks might want to give a less-than-perfect man or woman a chance.
“I wear a toupee.” “I still live with my mother.” “My kids still live with me.” “I have 17 cats and one litter box.” “I keep my glass eye in a jar at night.” “My skin condition is not catching.” “Alzheimer’s runs in my family.” “Diarrhea runs in my family.” “I’ve been married eight times.” “I spend every Christmas with my ex in Milwaukee.” “I have six children, and my oldest is on parole in Idaho.” “I live on a dinghy in the harbor.” “I think we finally have the cockroach problem under control in my apartment.” “I drink a six-pack before breakfast, and it’s not 7-Up.” “I spend every Saturday night at the casino with my cousin Frankie.” “I have a collection of headless porcelain dolls in my guest bedroom.” “I only bathe every other Tuesday.” “I cook everything with garlic.” “I eat everything with garlic.” “I belong to the U.S. Marijuana Party.” “I belong to The Holy Spirit Association for the Unification of World Christianity church.” “I have a golf-ball sized tumor in my armpit.” “I have a pet boa constrictor.” “My aunt lives in the basement.” “I live in the basement.”
Deal breaker? Then move on.
For those who can live with a tumor under the armpit, a toupee or glass eye on the dresser and an aunt in the basement, let cupid’s arrows fly, take the tux off the mannequin in your closet and book the Hurricane Seymore honeymoon cruise to the Bermuda Triangle.