Fantasies



My favorite on-the-way-to-work talk show duo talked about fantasies and I realized I haven’t had one for a while.

They were talking about women in their 40s and 50swho display posters of their favorite “hunks” in their homes and offices. They didn’t mention 60-somethings.

They probably think women my age have too much dignity or too little libido to appreciate the finest in male appearance.

We do, but just not as often. Remember “The Golden Girls?”

TV shows have a nickname for women who are over 40 lusting after young guys. They are called “cougars.”

Googling for the term provides nothing concrete and adds other concepts that are less than tasteful.

I decided to have a fantasy.

Don’t do this at home or anywhere else. Forcing a fantasy is like proudly unfurling a new U.S. Flag and then realizing it was manufactured in China.

Step one: Turn back the clock. Don’t do this in front of a mirror.

Okay, who did I have posters of in high school? Would I like to have them, now?

Elvis Presley and Ricky Nelson? Both are dead of less than natural causes.

I wasn’t flying high. My fantasy hovered slightly above pond scum.

Whatever happened to staying cute inside and out?

Let’s try one more hunk.

Pat Boone. Have you seen him lately?

Fabian. He has done a couple of voice-overs. What’s he hiding?

Frankie Avalon? I think he lost at beach blanket bingo.

Alas, my forced fantasy didn’t gain momentum.

The women calling in to the talk show seemed to have no trouble at extemporaneous fantasizing.

One is so in love with Mac Gyver that she’s paying for autographed photos of his portrayer, Richard Dean Anderson, and displaying them in her bedroom, telling her fiancé of seven years he will just have to deal with it.

Seven years and a wedding hasn’t happened? Maybe someone needs to rig up something.

One of the slang terms for rigging something up or making do is Mac Gyvering. He’s sort of like the professor on Gilligan’s Island. If he could make a two-way radio out of a coconut and a hairpin, why couldn’t he fix the darned boat?

I don’t think I ever paid for a photo or an autograph. If the photo wasn’t in the latest teen magazine, I didn’t have it.

I used to tune in any movie or show with Tom Selleck in it until I caught him in the last episodes of Las Vegas. He has lost in the translation from Magnum PI to 2008 oh, my.

Fantasies need to come naturally. So do crushes and I hope women past age 60 have just slowed down, but they haven’t lost their touch.

Even in their 90s, men are still looking. They may not be able to do anything with what they see, but they still look.

They don’t collect autographs or pin-ups, but they gather memories.

So do women, but they appear to be different kinds of memories.

Ours are all about feelings and the people directly important in our lives. Fantasies are the icing on the cake, so to speak.

Like love or happiness, one can’t turn a fantasy on and off. It can’t become a goal to be attained, but it can make life’s journey richer.

I just had a real fantasy and I didn’t even have to take off my shirt.