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Native Writes: Words of Advice

Posted: Friday, Jul 19th, 2013

Having spent more than a week at a convention of more than 6,000 persons in Reno, Nev., I have come to some conclusions about the human species.

No matter who we are, we are very much alike.

I do have some suggestions, though.

If your life career is going to be pole dancing, donít yawn every five minutes during the performance.

If your band is booked for a big dance, donít take a 25-minute break after every 40-minute set, especially with slot machines nearby. Someone who might be winning isnít going to come back in and dance to your rendition of La Bamba.Ē

If you weigh more than 200 pounds, donít wear anything strapless.

If someone looks bored, donít offer to call a medic.

If someone faints, call a medic.

Actually, the Elks Grand Lodge proceedings are very interesting, if one pays attention, but donít show a Power Point presentation and read the text to the audience.

Do not text during someoneís speech, even if your thoughts are eloquent.

There is not an ďappĒ to answer every question.

Each meeting is a learning experience.

Many people outside the large meeting room are going to have something going. Ask questions if the prices seem high.

If the people on the stage are praying, stop walking, wherever you are.

Speak loudly while saying the Pledge of Allegiance.

Donít expect the traffic to stop if you are in the middle of the street.

There is nothing strange about taking the train.

Donít assume every well-dressed woman on the ďstripĒ is up to no good.

If an ambulance is coming, stop, even if there is no room to pull over.

If someone in a line of traffic honks, itís probably not at you.

A Googled map may not be accurate.

A city map obtained at a hotel probably is.

There really are places where one can buy a wig.

A dollar store may sit right next to a shop that sells ďevening wear.Ē

The huge casinos werenít built by winners.

The ďsuicide tableĒ in Virginia City doesnít have blood on it.

Carson City, the Nevada State Capitol, isnít a preserved mining town.

When attending any convention, remember why you went.

Please ask me about the Elks. Joining may be the best thing youíve ever done in your life.

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